With Buffy being over and my uncertainty about next year’s Angel being at “If I think about it, I may go mental” proportions, I am going to start talking about other things in this here blog.

Like my novel. I really wanted to be farther along in this thing than I am right now. Would have been nice to have it near the publication stage before everyone at ATPo went scampering off to their lives and I could use my built-in audience to sell a piece of fiction that has absolutely nothing to do with the supernatural, the Buffyverse, or philosophy.

But *alas* I am in the editing stage, and I don’t see being out of the editing stage even by the end of this calendar year. The big hold-up in getting done, I suppose, was the website. But enough about that thing.

My novel. My novel is about Continue reading “Dis/Inhibition”

This just in…

I just got a video tape in the mail from the ATPo poster gds. Apparently there is this cable channel called “TechTV” and they have a show called “Screen Savers” about internet sites, etc. Anyway, last week’s show featured BtVS websites, and mine was one of them. My website was on TV! Of course, they did not tell me this would happen before hand. I heard about it from people on the board after the fact.

I don’t have techTV so gds sent me a video tape of the show. Now I’ll have to watch it when I get home… I’m all nervous!


OK, I saw the show “Screen savers” and can I say just how *geeky* that show is? Two total nerd middle-aged guys with pot-bellies standing around drinking coffee and arguing about LINUX and Terminator III. I sit through that for 28 minutes and then they pass the spot light to this woman, Heather, who is a Buffy fan who will show off a couple websites. The first one is mine. Ah!!! My site is so non-photogenic on television! Plus my heart was in my stomach the whole time. She showed off the metaphysics page and the Philosophies Represented page.

They pause briefly to discuss how Buffy is “like religion to some people” (and by implication, *me*), and then Heather starts showing this other site, the Buffy dialogue database, but she doesn’t introduce it by name first the way she did my site, she just says, “this site has blah blah…” so it makes it appear as if *my* site has this dialogue database.

This lasts about two minutes, but my hits on my website doubled the day this show aired and the next day as well, so that’s cool. And now I have it on tape and I can show it to Mommy and Daddy at the next family gathering….

The Buddha on Belief

The Buddha on Belief
from the Kalama Sutta

“Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe simply because it has been handed down for many generations. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is written in Holy Scriptures. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of Teachers, elders or wise men. Believe only after careful observation and analysis, when you find that it agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all. Then accept it and live up to it.”

Movies and books

Finished “The Man Who Fell to Earth” this morning. A little depressing. It’s heralded as one of the few “realistic” attempts to write about what it might be like to be an alien from outer space living on this planet. The alien comes here intending to build a ship to help the few survivors on his home planet come to Earth, but after five years actually living on Earth, he decides it’s better if all his friends and relatives back home die off and he himself becomes a pathetic drunk.

I’m sure there’s lots of themey goodness here about alienation, loneliness, the wretchedness of human nature and blah blah blibbitey blah, but I don’t get this whole it’s-only-realistic-if-it’s-depressing-and-pessimistic thing. Honestly, the human race has survived for milennia, and sometimes we’ve even had fun!

Which brings me to “Tuck Everlasting”. This was a little nugget. A tightly-plotted fantasy gem with uplifting themes like embracing life and the joy of family and you know, the kind of movie where the greedy snively little guy bites it at the end. Plus gorgeous forest scenery and wonderful prose that is probably from some original book it was based on.

I watch movies like this and after I’m done being misty-eyed at the end, think, “Why can’t I plot my stories like this?” It has the pensive, beautiful introduction to the main character and her basic conflict, the build up of tension with the whole we-might-be-discovered story line, the lazy, happy middle with the romance between Jesse and Winifred, and then the climax as the forces building up throughout the movie all come together–the greedy guy hunting down the Tucks, Winifred’s father actually suceeding in finding his lost daughter, the arrest of the Tucks and Winifred helping to free them. And in the process of knowing them, freeing herself. Well, freeing herself as much as an early-20th century woman could ever be free.

I think the climax in my own story happens in the middle of the novel and then things just sort of slide to a finish for the second half of the book. Hmmm. Hard to say with as many story lines as I’ve got.

The other movie I rented was a film-festival debut called “Under One Roof” about a gay man who rents an apartment in the home of a Chinese-American family in San Francisco. Of course, the Chinese son is gay himself, but living a closeted life with his mother and grandmother, who are trying to marry him off. This movie had some awkward production values and some mediocre acting, but it was very, very, sweet. The film-maker was obviously a professional, but on a very slim budget. It seemed as if he just got his neighborhood buddies together and said, “help me make a movie”.

But that was part of the appeal. You definitely felt like you’d stepped into somebody’s house and were just watching them live their lives. Had almost a “reality tv” feel for it, except with an actual plot and a homey warmth and genuineness to it you don’t get in those exhibitionist reality shows.

Give you hope that just showing people struggling to make things work–and succeeding for the most part–will still sell tickets. Or books.

The end of days

Current music: I don’t listen to music! Honestly, why can’t they have…
Current book: “The Man Who Fell to Earth” by Walter Tevis
Current film: “Tuck Everlasting” with the beautiful Jonathan Jackson and the absolutely to melt for Amy Irving

People are getting all gooey the past few days on the board, waxing nostalgic and heaping praise on each other and on the board itself and generally acting like it’s the last day of school before graduation.

Part of me understands their reasons, part of me is panicked that all the non AtS-watchers are just going to disappear under the assumption that there will be no more Buffy talk on the board. And maybe they don’t want to talk about it if there is nothing new to talk about, but among us think-too-muchers, there is plenty to talk about.

Last night’s A&E special brought it all back. Seasons 1 through 3–my personal favorites, the angst that was season 2 and the beauty of the ending of “Becoming, pt 2”. I didn’t join fandom until after “Lover’s Walk”, but I did start lurking at the Bronze at the end of Becoming pt 2 because I needed reassurance that Angel wasn’t gone. Angelus be damned, and maybe because of Angelus in part, Angel had become my favorite character and he had to come back.

I basically remembered why I liked this show in the first place, because there haven’t been a lot of reminders in recent seasons. Episodes like “Selfless” and “OMWF” are exceptions to that, but my interest in the show has been kind of mechanical, as going-through-the-motions as Buffy herself. And I will complete the episode analyses because I believe in completeness.

But part of me really needs a break from it all. I suppose I’ll cry, too, next Tuesday night at nine, for old time’s sake, but I don’t think it’ll really sink in until later. Right now, I’m too burnt out, in need of a break from the episode analyses and the board. The absolutely bizarre ending of AtS Season 4 didn’t help with that much.

So this blog will, hopefully, become a place for me to talk about other things, non-Buffy things, non-Angel things, a little, more intimate community where I feel a bit more free and more open to self-expression.

Not that I’m criticizing my own board. It is an amazing place, so I’m told, very different from other internet communities. I don’t know. I don’t go to other boards. But it has its share of human foibles aggravated by the medium of the internet and sometimes you just need to hang back, step away, even if it is the last week of new episodes.

So back to my movie, which is promising to be a magical thing with beautiful boys and tom-boyish girls and immortality and deep poetic narrative and joy and contemplative philosophical moments.

Why I’d rather squint at my computer screen on the weekend than be out in the sunshine

Sometimes when I’m feeling unnoticed and convinced no one actually reads my website anymore, only the discussion board, I find nifty little things like this:

“On a related note, you may be interested in this website: All Things Philosophical on BtVS and AtS, which I always go to after I’ve watched an episode of Buffy/Angel. ”

“Thanks for that link to the “All Things Philosophical on BtVS and AtS” I just wasted an hour of my life there and look forward to wasting some more there later. ”

My counter program (www.TheCounter.com) gives me the URL’s of sites that refer to my site. Sometimes I can find random people like this talking about my website, usually in a nice way, and it give me a happy.

Then again, there’s stuff like this:

“There But For the Grace of God

Let he who is without 500 board games cast the first stone, but where exactly is the line between academic analysis and irredeemable geekiness? Because from where I sit, this site has catapulted beyond it. I’m just not quite sure in which direction.”

Sticks and stones, children. But being called a geek never hurt me.