Polar bears and overdoses: it’s a VincentKartheiser-a-thon!

3 Jan

I became aware of Vincent Kartheiser the actor from his role as Connor on “Angel”. As a rule, I never watch the other roles/movies/TV shows/plays that the Buffy/Angel actors play, because of the whole not really caring thing. I appreciate the actors for the good jobs they do playing the characters I know so well, but I’m in it for the characters; I don’t follow actor’s careers or personal lives.

I was left a little bereft after Connor was so abruptly written out of “Angel” in Home, though, and I thought the solution might be to see Vincent Kartheiser in some of his other roles, especially since I’d heard he’d played some Connor-like (i.e., bratty, fucked up) characters.

But I was so traumatized by “Home” I just couldn’t bear to look at him. So I dropped the whole thing. Then, this past Christmas I was at my parents with absolutely nothing to do. I was so bored I went to Blockbuster video. Yes. I know. cringe. I saw “Masterminds” there–which is kind of hard to find–and decided it would be a good VK starting point. Light, non-depressing fun. And skateboards!

And that started the VincentKartheiser-a-thon.

It turns out this boy is a working actor, and has a longer resume than most of the older actors he appeared with in “Angel”. He is usually a central character in the films he appears in, and he has acted along side such notables as Patrick Stewart, Charlton Heston, James Caan, and Melanie Griffith.

And can I just say, VK is an impressive actor in his own right?

So noting that I will have the biases of a 40-year-old non-het chick, here are my quickie reviews of some of the highlights of the VK resume:

(Whited-out spoilers can be read by selecting the invisible text)
The Indian in the Cupboard (1995)

Other notables: Lindsay Crouse

Summary: A boy gets a magical cupboard that enables him to bring his toy action figures to life.

Happy Vinnie/Fucked-up Vinnie: I will note under each review whether VK plays a fucked-up character or not, just because, as it turns out, VK does not always play fucked-up characters. “IitC”, for example, is a Happy Vinnie movie.

Brat Quotient: 4/10. Gillon is the plot-device snotty older brother of the lead character, but since you hardly ever see him, and since he is the one who gave Omri the cupboard in the first place, he is not a total brat.

The hair: Who was your stylist, kid? That curled page-boy doo is foofie even for you, and I usually like you foofie! Fortunately, VK’s voice has already gone through The Change.

Bottom line: A cute little kid’s nugget about prejudice, tolerance and responsibility. If you’re only there to see VK, though, you should know that when he is on screen, he’s mostly just running down stairs.

Alaska (1996)

Other notables: Charlton Heston

Summary: City boy Sean Barnes and his sister Jessie trek across the Alaskan wilderness to save their missing father and encounter evil poachers and natural dangers. Luckily for clueless Sean, his sister actually knows what she’s doing. Jessie Barnes is totally on.

Happy Vinnie: He laughs! He grumbles! He follows his animal guide to greater self-awareness!

Brat Quotient: 8/10. I think this movie was the actual screen test for VK’s role as Connor on “Angel”. Yes, I’ve seen the alleged real screen test on the season 3 Angel DVD set, too, but after the first 20-25 minutes of this movie, you’ll know why Holtz used to leave the kid stranded out in the middle of nowhere in Quortoth.

The hair: Your standard bowl-on-the-head cut, nicely accessorized with a Chicago Cubs baseball cap. Sometimes forward, sometimes backward.

Other notes: There are also some great action sequences in this movie that might have contributed to VK’s role on “Angel”. Wonder how many of his own stunts he did?

Bottom line: Realism is put aside for big fun adventure and heroism out in the breath-taking Alaskan panorama. And there’s a cute polar bear (wonder now if the polar bear in “Slouching Towards Bethlehem” was a shout-out to this movie?). And did I mention a healthy child-like suspension of disbelief? Definitely fun, like roller-coaster fun.

Masterminds (1997)

Other notables: Patrick Stewart
(Those who watch the same TV shows as me might also recognize Callum Keith Rennie.)

Summary: Teenaged MacGuyver and computer genius Oswald ‘Ozzie’ Paxton (AKA ‘Oz’) is a brat who wastes his talents and picks on his step-sister until he finds out she and her classmates are being held hostage at their school. Then he uses his skills to discover his inner hero.

Happy Vinnie, taking into account the…

Brat Quotient: 9/10. Adorable brattiness! He’s a brat to his family, a brat to the bad guys, he’s even a brat to his best friend. The only thing saving him from a 10/10 is the being-all-heroic factor.

The hair: Has his trademark bangs-in-the-face thing going, and still manages to have excellent precision hand-eye coordination.

Bottom line: This is a fun kids vs. the grown-ups movie, lots of action, and some suspension-of-disbelief involved. I liked it.

All I Wanna Do (1998) (AKA “Strike!”)

Other notables: Lynn Redgrave, Kirsten Dunst

Summary: The ambitious students at an early 60’s all-girls preparatory concoct several schemes to prevent their school from being merged with an all-boy’s school.

Happy Vinnie, although the dork quotient is high.

Brat Quotient: 5/10. “For I am Snake, King of Dorks. May all lesser dorks follow me around pathetically.” Snake the townie chases after a prep-school girl with the most appallingly moony dialogue ever written, somehow manages to beat up a prep-school boy twice his size, and gets the girl (who 30 years later admits she is a lesbian. What’s up with that?)

The hair: Short, but the cool Beatles/beatnik doo is stylin’. And there’s hats!

Bottom line: Fun, nostalgic, balanced grrl-power movie. Worth seeing even if you’re in it purely for VK.

Another Day in Paradise (1998)

Other notables: James Woods, Melanie Griffith

Summary: A “Bonnie and Clyde for the ’90’s” take a pair of teenagers under their wing and set out to party and do crime.

Fucked-up Vinnie: Bobbie shoots speed, robs cigarette machines and gets mentored by a career criminal. And my boy is all grown up and having sex! *sniff* He doesn’t look completely ridiculous doing it, either. Plus, watch all the amazing ways he can light a cigarette.

Brat Quotient: 6/10. The James Woods character actually thinks it will be fun to teach an arrogant adolescent about life and women and making money. There’s a reason parents dread their children becoming teenagers, guy!

The hair: The grease quotient is high on this one, kids. But then again, Bobbie is a patheticloserjunkie, so, you know….

Other notes: This is the second movie I’ve watched in as many weeks that referred to the cunnilingus technique of “spelling out the alphabet with your tongue”. I find that interesting.

(Also wondering now if Sunny dying of a needle OD in “A New World” was a shout-out to this movie?)

Bottom line: “Pulp Fiction” with less style. This movie is not one I would have ever chosen to see if it wasn’t on the VK-a-thon list. A depressing, vulgar, violent tale of the dregs of society. But if you’re into that, go for it. There are a few tender moments. Plus, there’s a drinking game you can play every time someone calls someone else “baby”.

Crime and Punishment in Suburbia (2000)

Other notables: Ellen Barkin

Summary: Vincent the high school loser photo-documents and narrates (and finally gets involved in) the family troubles of the popular girl he is infatuated with. From family fights to murder to trial and punishment. Supposedly loosely based on Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment.

Fucked-up Vinnie: Relatively speaking. Although this movie has a dark subject matter, the character of Vincent is surprisingly together for a “damaged little fucker”, the skinny high school loser/stalker with a heart of gold.

Brat Quotient: 2/10. Vincent is relatively mellow for a freak, but he merits points for getting under the high school jock’s fingernails. That’s never a bad thing.

The hair: Yikes! Dyed dark and greasy. This kid is so not a brunette. And would a shampoo kill you? Ah well, you get used to it after five or ten viewings.

Other notes: I wonder if the actress who plays Roseanne had to get her cleavage re-inflated with an air pump between scenes. Just a stray thought.

Bottom line: Full of plot-holes, but strangely addictive. Plus there’s just something visually intriguing about this whole movie.

I’m a bit concerned that the eventual friendship of Vincent and Roseanne sends mixed messages about the motives and dangers of stalkers. However, the real theme here is the exploration of how different people deal with those who do them wrong, and accepting responsibility for one’s reactions. Redemption and all that blah blah blah. Just keep telling yourself, “Vincent isn’t a stalker, he’s Jesus fucking Christ”.

Luckytown (2000)

Other notables: James Caan, Kirsten Dunst

Summary: Girl with adolescent identity issues goes to Las Vegas to find the screwed-up gambler father who abandoned her and her mother years before. In tow is Lidda’s screwed-up gambler love interest, Colonel.

Fucked-up Vinnie: Again, relatively speaking. Colonel used to be on the high school football team (skinny little Vinnie? Yeah, right) but now he’s a compulsive gambler working in a video store. Then he moves his habit to Vegas with Lidda. Until he decides he really wants to change for the girl.

Brat Quotient: 3/10. A little grouchy with a hint of tough-guy, but with a Connor-esque sweetness that just makes you want to pinch his cheeks! One bonus point for being a bit cocky at the tables and dancing like a spaz.

The hair: In the face, butofcourse. Could use a serious comb. But it goes well with the cool leather jacket and the Wesley-esque stubble. And the suit! I want his clothes. How fabulous would I look in his clothes?

Other notes: Colonel. Let’s see, grouchy, check. Standoffish, check. Poker player, check. Living proof girls still marry their dads no matter how hard they try to do otherwise.

The father-daughter stuff is suitably moving, if predictable. She thinks she’ll get validation, maybe discover something about herself if she finds her father. Dad’s convinced he’s a total loser (was it the lifetime of loser behavior away from the card table that gave you that clue?) until, well…

[Whited out for spoilers] …daddy gets his redemption saving the life of the daughter he abandoned. Which is cool. I’m disappointed, however, that the father never got a good look at his daughter’s boyfriend, knowing he was her boyfriend. That scary mirror image between parents/children or parents/children’s S.O.s is always a moment that works for me. [/Whited out for spoilers]

Bottom line: The dialogue is atrocious. The pace is slow and awkward. Most of the actors are pointless (happily, VK is not one of those). Stereotypical gangsters (not “Bound”-level stereotypical, but still). Also,

[Whited out for spoilers] Colonel abandoning his plans to take on a financier–and then abandoning gambling in general–for the girl, was too quick and too easy. I like happy endings where losers turn their lives around, but “Luckytown, the sequel” would be about Lidda discovering Colonel sneaking out and gambling behind her back. [/Whited out for spoilers]

Bad Seed (2001) (AKA Preston Tylk, 2000)

Other notables: Luke Wilson, Dennis Farina

Summary: A man who has learned that his wife had an affair comes home to find her dead. In pursuing her killer, he ends up killing the brother of his wife’s lover, and becomes a fugitive with an incriminating video tape hanging over his head.

Happy Vinnie/Fucked-up Vinnie: Dillon is neither in this movie, because he’s a two-dimensional bit character. A pre-med student who owes something to the private detective the main character has hired.

Brat Quotient: 1/10. Dillon seems nice enough, and understandably doesn’t want trouble. He gets it anyway.

The hair: Is it my imagination or is it more blond than usual? Anyway, seriously in need of a comb (and would we have it any other way?) Beard stubble is also a major theme.

Bottom line: You know, movies like Another Day in Paradise and Crime and Punishment in Suburbia spoil you. VK in the opening credits. VK in nearly every scene. VK VK VK. Since “Alaska”, he’s been the leading man in his films. Well, OK, leading boy. Except for All I Wanna Do, in which he at least appears in more than one scene.

As thrillers go, this one is less than intriguing. Another movie about undeveloped characters learning to take responsibility for actions that were unclearly motivated in the first place. Only without the beaucoup VK to make it interesting.

So VK, buddy, it’s a good thing you had meatier roles to sink your teeth into in 2001, like…

The Unsaid (2001)

Other notables: Andy Garcia

Summary: A psychotherapist who lost his own son to suicide tries to help a troubled teen get to the source of his own trauma.

Fucked-up Vinnie: “I’m sweet, I’m pretty, I’m completely mental!” Thomas Caffey seems nice and functional on the surface, but he is a master at manipulation and is totally unable to deal with his sexuality. And VK having parental issues! There’s a shocker.

Brat Quotient: 3/10, just for the manipulativeness.

The hair: Short, washed, neatly trimmed and combed. An obvious sign of deep repression. This boy should never have short hair. Ugh!

Other notes: [Whited out for spoilers] Mutant Enemy ought to take note of how this fucked-up kid guilty of manslaughter and assault and on the verge of suicide is saved from killing himself and given a second chance at therapy and inner peace, all without drastic magical interventions that steal his memories! Ahem. [/Whited out for spoilers]

Bottom line: Fascinating psychological drama of a psychotherapist, his patient, transference and counter-transference, worth a look.

( Heaven Sent )
( Ricky 6 )
( Dandelion )
( Truth and Consequences )

Notes on movies I haven’t seen
I’m trying to find a copy of Ricky 6 (2000), which so far I’ve only seen on E-Bay going for $40.00 for the VHS. I suspect this movie was either such a clunker, or so disturbing, it didn’t sell well, and now is strictly for horror aficionados, of which I’m not one. But since VK plays the title role, it’s on my VK-a-thon list.

VK’s two most recent movies are Falling Off the Verge (2003) and Dandelion (2005). Dandelion is suppose to be premiering at the Sundance Festival in January 2004, but I can’t find Falling Off the Verge on VHS, DVD or in theaters. Any one else seen it?

Itty bitty baby VK also has roles in Heaven Sent (1994), Little Big League (1994), and Untamed Heart (1993). I am assuming these roles are bit parts and I’m not missing anything if I skip’m.

33 Responses to “Polar bears and overdoses: it’s a VincentKartheiser-a-thon!”

  1. kita0610 January 3, 2004 at 9:37 pm #

    oh dude. Thanks for this!
    And can’t wait to meet up with you at some point btw. :}

  2. neshaffer January 3, 2004 at 9:44 pm #

    Did you get my email?
    Phone # included. Topics for lunch: BtVS, AtS, Connor, VK.

  3. kita0610 January 3, 2004 at 9:45 pm #

    Re: Did you get my email?
    Yes maam! I did!
    Wooooot. Soon.
    Lovely topic choices! :}

  4. dherblay January 3, 2004 at 9:58 pm #

    I have not seen any of these movies ever. I just wanted to get that on the record.

  5. neshaffer January 3, 2004 at 10:02 pm #

    Same goes for me before Dec 21st
    Take a chance! Some of them aren’t half bad. I won’t tease you for watching them if you don’t tease me.

  6. neshaffer January 3, 2004 at 10:03 pm #

    Oh, and can I say how much I dig this icon?

  7. selenak January 3, 2004 at 10:32 pm #

    Thank you!
    Very interesting resume. I did see IitC, but can’t say I noticed him at the time – it has been years…

  8. selenak January 3, 2004 at 10:32 pm #

    Thank you!
    Very interesting resume. I did see IitC, but can’t say I noticed him at the time – it has been years…

  9. neshaffer January 3, 2004 at 10:38 pm #

    Well, he’s quite miss-able in IitC
    It isn’t much of a part, like I said, mostly a plot device filler part. Anyone could have played it. And with better hair!

  10. poisonapple73 January 3, 2004 at 11:25 pm #

    I’m ashamed of myself. Normally, I always remember actors and the previous roles I’ve seen them in. Yet I’ve seen near half the movies on your list and never associated VK with any of them. Hmph. You’re a brave woman to sit through Alaska- even at age 9, I couldn’t stand how overly sentimental it was. All I Wanna Do Though- I loved that movie. How can I not have remembered Snake?! *facepalm*

  11. neshaffer January 3, 2004 at 11:32 pm #

    I liked Alaska!
    I thought it was fun. The ending was a little “OK… right. Like THAT would happen.” But the rest of it was cool.
    All I Wanna Do was also a cute movie, but Snake was over the top. I didn’t like VK in that role. He didn’t have good material to work with.

  12. poisonapple73 January 3, 2004 at 11:39 pm #

    Re: I liked Alaska!
    I think I was really predisposed to dislike it. I remember hating the previews. Fun family hijinks are sort of wasted on me. *shrug*
    All I Wanna Do was probably not as brilliant as I recall. I watched on an airplane, when I was 11. I think my response was ” anti-dote to boredom! Girl power! Sex jokes”, ergo, best movie ever. I don’t actually remember much about VK’s performance, just that he was naughty, a good match for Teena (?) and there was something with a crane? So yeah, feel free to discount my opinion. 🙂

  13. neshaffer January 3, 2004 at 11:48 pm #

    Re: I liked Alaska!
    If I had come across Alaska when I was a kid instead of when I was 40, I would have thought it sucked, too. You get too much of that kid-power Disney intelligent bear stuff. But I was a 40-year old woman transported back to childhood instead and imagining myself shooting the rapids, kyaking, and hiking out in the Alaska wilderness. So it was an adventure for me.
    All I Wanna Do was a great easy-to-swallow feminist statement clothed in adolescent sex antics. I just wish VK’s dialogue had been less cheesy.

  14. kita0610 January 4, 2004 at 3:04 am #

    Re: Oh, and can I say how much I dig this icon?
    Which? Champion or stakes?

  15. hankat January 4, 2004 at 6:33 am #

    My favorite movie out of the bunch was…..
    Masterminds….it was fun..he pissed off Captain Picard…may not have been a best seller but it was a film I enjoyed.
    Rufus

  16. neshaffer January 4, 2004 at 11:55 am #

    The champion one
    The message is, “Yeah we know he’s an asshole. He’s also a champion. We like him anyway, so nyah!”

  17. neshaffer January 4, 2004 at 12:03 pm #

    Masterminds rocked
    Big fun.
    Back when I was first investigating this whole VK resume stuff, I saw that he had been in a movie with Patrick Stewart and I thought, “How cool is that?” You get Connor and Captain Picard in the same movie! Going up against each other!
    I find it surprising that some of these films weren’t more successful. I had never heard of ANY of them, except the Indian in the Cupboard, until I did my VK search. Kinda weird. They’re not half bad films.

  18. ros_fod January 4, 2004 at 12:24 pm #

    Oh, man. This was so great – and a whole lotta fun. I tried to have coherent thoughts, but all that came out was Vinnie! and some squeaking sounds…
    Just keep telling yourself, “Vincent isn’t a stalker, he’s Jesus fucking Christ”.
    LMFAO. “And the Father loved the world so much He sacrificed his only Son to save it” or some such nonsense, I’m sure. *rolls eyes*
    dancing like a spaz
    VK! Dancing! Like a spaz! *runs to rent this movie*
    goes well with the cool leather jacket and the Wesley-esque stubble
    *faints*
    Has his trademark bangs-in-the-face thing going, and still manages to have excellent precision hand-eye coordination
    BWA! I always did wonder how he didn’t get injured more often in those AtS fight scenes. NOT THAT HE SHOULD EVER CUT THE HAIR. Just wanna be clear. 😉

  19. neshaffer January 4, 2004 at 12:42 pm #

    Just keep telling yourself, “Vincent isn’t a stalker, he’s Jesus fucking Christ”.
    LMFAO. “And the Father loved the world so much He sacrificed his only Son to save it” or some such nonsense, I’m sure. *rolls eyes*

    Don’t get me started on Angel’s actions in Home. grumbles dangerously
    As for the Christ analogy, I’m totally serious. If you haven’t seen “C&PiS” before, watch it once thinking, “Vincent is a scary freak who somehow inexplicably gets the girl”. If you’ve seen the movie before, that was probably your initial impression of him. It was mine. Now watch the movie again thinking, “Vincent is actually Jesus Christ in greasy stalker disguise.”
    Think about it. With that camera, he sees all, he knows all. He wants to save Roseanne from her own life. With his words and his persistent presence, he leads her down the path to redemption. In one scene, he even stretches out his arms crucifix-style, half-naked. And of course at the end when he’s standing there waiting for her at the prison he has this angelic glow to him. He has come to lead her to heaven.
    Let me know what you think of any or all of these movies if/when you see them!

  20. kita0610 January 4, 2004 at 1:41 pm #

    Re: The champion one
    Best believe it baby!

  21. blonde_pixie March 17, 2004 at 10:42 am #

    Great list, I thoroughly enjoyed it, espiecially the funny side notes.

  22. neshaffer March 17, 2004 at 11:40 am #

    Thanks!

  23. l51hawk May 3, 2004 at 4:31 pm #

    LMAO!
    I am a total Vinnie addict and I loved how rated the movies in the VK-a-thon. Especially the fucked-up or happy VK thing. Surprisingly (if you count his earlier bit parts) Vinnie has played more Happy Vinnie roles than Fucked-Up Vinnie roles.
    Just wondered if anyone has any info about ‘Verge’. I’ve searched everywhere and there isn’t anything for it.

  24. neshaffer May 3, 2004 at 4:40 pm #

    Re: LMAO!
    Other than a reference to it in the internet movie database (imdb.com), no I haven’t seen the film anywhere. Not on tape or DVD. It’s very frustrating. It sounds like an interesting movie, VK aside.
    Yes, more happy VK than fucked up VK, all things considered. I would say of the movies of his that I’ve seen, only Another Day in Paradise and The Unsaid are really fucked-up Vinnie. He’s surprisingly not fucked up in “Crime and Punishment”, no matter what his character says.
    Of course, I have not seen “Ricky 6”. (But hey, at least you can get copies of that on E-Bay!)

  25. l51hawk May 3, 2004 at 7:10 pm #

    too bad, I was hoping for some info but nobody has any. VK really needs to get an official site.
    People seem to think that he’s totally fucked up in CaPiS but he’s totally not. I like the movie but they pretty much slaughtered the story. Have you ever read it? Dostoyevsky (or Dostoevsky depending on the translator) is a literary genius. When you read it you can totally picture VK playing Roskolnikov even though his character in the movie is actually Sofya.
    also, loved how you gave a hair update for each movie. I love it when it’s in bad need of a comb.

  26. neshaffer May 3, 2004 at 7:18 pm #

    Vinnie is ALL About the Hair!
    I keep looking out for more info on “FOTV” ’cause I want to see it. If I do find it, I’ll post it on .
    Yeah, Vincent in “CaPiS” is portrayed as kind of a freak, with the stalking Roseanne and the garlic necklace and stuff, but he’s not screwed up, not really. His mom and home life is pretty darned normal and sane, and his interest in Roseanne is as much about redeeming her from her own fucked-up-edness as it is a sexual interest.
    I haven’t read Dostoyevsky, but it would be interesting.

  27. crimsonsenya June 16, 2004 at 10:39 pm #

    The review
    Liked your review criteria! ^_^ My personal favourite is Another Day in Paradise for the deliberately blunt cinematography and editing and fucked up Vinniness. Though I haven’t seen all his movies. I’ve also read that Ricky6 is pretty disturbing gore with the satanist theme. About Crime & Punishment (sadly haven’t seen it either) if Vinnies character is the equivalent of Sonya, then he indeed has Christ figure tones, ’cause Sonya has been read as one.

  28. neshaffer June 17, 2004 at 9:38 am #

    Re: The review
    Crime and Punishment in Suburbia may be a bit of a disappointment to a Dostoyevsky fan, but as VK movies go, it’s great. A bit “damaged little fucker”, a bit Jesus Christ, a bit good ol’ VK sweetness.
    This icon is from the movie.

  29. fllndthofshdws September 6, 2004 at 1:12 pm #

    Hello, I’m obviously another vinnie fan considering my icon but yeah the whole ricky 6 movie…a lot of those that are going for 40 dollars are mostly copies of the originals…it’s pretty hard to find an original. I had to go through a couple of the ‘non-originals’ to get my copy of it. It’s a very good movie…He portrays Ricky Kasso (or Cowan in the movie) very well and it looks like he did some research into the actual character. Great movie.

    Ah yes, and if you are looking for a new friend I’d love to add you and we can converse on the greatness that is vincent kartheiser or…anything else. Toodles.

  30. neshaffer September 6, 2004 at 1:18 pm #

    I welcome new VK fan friends. I bought a copy of Ricky 6 on E-Bay recently. My review is here.

  31. ex_chaos_by_699 February 25, 2007 at 4:24 pm #

    Re: Masterminds rocked
    You get Connor and Captain Picard in the same movie! Going up against each other!
    That is officially the geekiest recommendation for a movie I think I’ve ever seen. I love it.

  32. neshaffer February 25, 2007 at 4:27 pm #

    Re: Masterminds rocked
    If the shoe fits….

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Death is a Tragedy, not a Solution: The VK-a-thon continues « Infinite Doorways - May 17, 2012

    […] The Indian in the Cupboard, Alaska, Masterminds, All I Wanna Do, Another Day in Paradise, Crime and … […]

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